H appens to go
to a Pinehills Clinics,
O pens up to
another different world for him to explore
L ashed from
Sarah’s sudden and abrupt death and the arrival of parents to pick him up
L ooms all over
him
Y ellow, pink and white
H ollyhocks start
O btaining
C ontrol from him
and with stress
K ills himself
that day
S ilence; his
name was Rock, Rock Hudson
That day, the hollyhocks start fading in colours,
pale as white as snow
That day, the hollyhocks start fading in colours,
pale as white as snow
The way that you used the word hollyhocks into your poem was beautiful
ReplyDeletethank you I also thought your comment was beautiful
DeleteI like the format of your poem
ReplyDeleteWS
thank you I liked your poem too (all that rhyming words must have taken a long time)
DeleteThat was not 12+ lines, but I liked the fact that you used the word "hollyhocks" to write your poem. The picture at the end gives me somewhat sad feelings and also reminds me of Rock's death, which was good. The black background of your blog adds up even more, and gives a sad mood, which helped me to get into this poem better.
ReplyDeletethanks a lot except I do hav 12 lines... Please learn how to count
DeleteI do not believe your ability towards math is that bad; I have expected higher/advanced math skills from you but this sincerely made me disappointed from your mistake, counting 12 lines. But again, thank you for the rest of your comment. I truly appreciate your thoughts on my poem
Well, it is kind of obvious that you added two lines after the picture. You should have kept the "HOLLYHOCKS" format, which I liked, or at least added those two lines before the picture. I do appreciate your comment though, and here is my advice for you.
DeleteSorry but I really did have the two lines there and I thought I would have been a better finish after saying those two lines after the picture to emphasize the idea of "hollyhocks" but thank you, I will take your words and put the two lines before the picture because it seems to have caused a confusion for some people, thinking that I did not write 12+lines. I apologize. I think you forgot to read the next lines after the picture because you thought the picture was symbolizing the end of the poem (a sort of wrap up)
DeleteThere you go. All fixed. Just remember next time to look more careful. Thanks for having thoughts on my poem.
DeleteIf you say so.
DeleteDifferent font and font size for the last two lines, another person saying that it is "short."
But okay, please excuse me for not looking at your poem carefully.
Different font was to emphasize the last few sentences, I am sorry if it wasn't so effective. I am an amateur afterall trying to learn. Well by short he meant the minimum and I actually didn't mean to have it right 12 lines when Ms Kuans instruction was 12+ lines. I just simply did a format of "hollyhocks" and a few sentences to wrap it up, but I did keep track of the length that was necessary for me. Please no need to excuse me, just look more careful next time thanks :D
DeleteA little short, I suppose. Short and mildly sweet.
ReplyDeleteLike a lightly sugared bun.
I like. :D
Thank you for taking time to read my poem. I really appreciate your thoughts. :D
Delete